Being
PFLAG-Southwest Washington hosted an evening with Mackenzie Dunham, LICSW (she/they) – Managing Partner and Clinical Social Worker at Wid Heart Society.
Mackenzie’s work is centered around helping parents of trans children be supportive, supported, and safe. Mackenzie helps parents sort through: how to recover when you in inevitably blow it; shame resilience, awkward moments in trans life, identity development, what language to use and when, and so much more through her podcast, “Camp Wild Heart.”
Mackenzie’s focus on supporting trans parents in their own transition of parenting a trans child, involves a simple acronym to help break a complicated subject down into very simple terms.
Not just trans kids, but this toolkit can be used across the board for parenting, relationships, friendships, family dynamics, and more plus she makes understanding the simplicity of it pretty simple.
So let’s get this started? Ready, okay…
B-R-A-V-I-N-G
BEING BRAVE
Being a good ally is being brave. Being brave is standing up for something that isn’t mainstream, popular, or understood. Bravery takes vulnurability and often results in skinned knees. Being brave, is getting back up and going another round to benefit someone else.
BOUNDRIES
It’s true, boundaries are tough. We tend to over-extend our boundaries because we want be nice or giving to others, but it can end up causing hurt and unintentional pain if we don’t spell them out.
Boundaries are helpful. Asking what is okay and what is not okay helps to ensure a space that is safe, comfortable, and it helps to lay guidelines of respect and leaves room for growth and acceleration.
RELIABILITY
Being reliable is showing up all of the time. Always being an ally; no matter the audience. When we say we will, we should. To be counted on, we must be available and present. Being a good ally is dutiful. It’s a commitment.
ACCOUNTABILITY
Being accountable is being absent of defense. It is showing humility. It’s being thankful for being corrected, apologetic when we are wrong, and it’s being willing to change our own behavior when we realize it is hurtful or shameful to someone else.
VAULT
It’s not your story to share. Being a vault for a tran youth is so important. We all feel as if we are trustworthy, yet we aren’t so easy to trust others. Trust is earned, but being a vault is a commitment of process and respect.
INTEGRITY
Your integrity is your willingness to show up and show out. Not just around certain people, but no matte the room or fixtures in it. If we are going to be an ally, we don’t get to choose when and where. We either are or we are not. Consistency is key!
NON-JUDGEMENT
Understanding that transiting is a transition, not a switch or a change. Each experience is individual and no one way is default or better than another. It’s natural to judge or size things up based on our own experiences. Being non-judgmental can often times just mean being quiet and listening with your heart.
GENEROSITY
Generosity is a great replacement for tolerance. Instead of tolerating something, why not be generously accepting of it. When you tolerate something, it feels like you are nearly at your limit. Using a word like generosity in its place can really shift the burden of “coming out” into an experience that is safe and meaningful.
You will most definitely want to subscribe to Mackenzie’s podcast channel wherever you listen to your podcasts.
Follow her on social media or check out her website for more information and your guide to parenting youth who identify as trans or gender non-conforming.
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